This winter, take a stroll in a local park and you’ll witness a phenomenon I’m obsessed with – the canine mini-me. Call it what you want: ‘pet-alike’ or ‘doggelganger’, the likelihood of an owner resembling its four legged friend is on the rise. I’m certainly not claiming to have discovered this phenomenon but I have started to notice a set of park-dwelling regulars carrying small black bags of shame. Yep, you’ve guessed it – here’s my five dogs (and their owners) you’re likely to meet this winter.
The ugly one
Ever increasing in fame, these shovel-faced urban truffle pigs can be found snuffling and grunting their way around the park in a bid to break free from an over-doting owner. This dog is an ugly yet loveable creature that is always the culprit of a mysterious smell wafting around a dog-friendly office. As for its owner – you’ll find this individual posting on Instagram under the pseudonym of their own ironically named Pug. If unsure whether or not you’ve stumbled across this Insta-famous pooch, just watch and wait until the owner is too embarrassed to shout “SIR PUGS-A-LOT” at full volume across Battersea park.
The fluffy one
This little ball of fluff can be found floating down the Kings Road on route to its bi-weekly pooch pampering session. If not found devouring some smashed avo at a West London brunch spot, this prized Pom can be found under the arm of an activewear obsessed owner after an intense Yoga-spinning-kobox-detox session. It’s rare to see this dog off the lead nor off the path – after all, it’s owner wouldn’t want to damage another pair of expensive Jimmy Chews (sorry, I couldn’t resist).
The scruffy one
Just imagine Keith Richards reincarnated in dog form. This Hairy Maclary hasn’t seen a brush in years and has a penchant for puddles in an attempt to avoid human cuddles. You’ll encounter ‘the scruffy one’ on route home to Portobello Road having terrorised small children and innocent wildlife in Kensington Gardens (a notorious D.O.G for planting muddy paw prints on unsuspecting members of the public). This dog is likely to have an equally dishevelled owner – an eco-conscious trustafarian that recently ditched the trading desk for a spell on the Extinction Rebellion frontline.
The energetic one
Like its owner, this rural at heart Spaniel yearns for the weekend and to escape the concrete confines of urban living. With an abundance of energy, this pooch is able to lap Clapham Common numerous times and return unexplainably wet with an innocent duck in mouth. ‘The energetic one’ does its best to blend into city surroundings, just like its owner who constantly fights an inner compulsion each Winter to don wellies at the faintest sight of rain.
The naughty one
A personal favourite of mine, these dogs come in a variety of breeds – from thieving collies to priapic Jack Russells. In fact, I own a ‘naughty one’ – a Border Terrorist called Arthur that has been known to regurgitate whole uncooked sausages and defecate on pedestrian crossings whilst maintaining eye contact with a lollipop lady. If not leaving ‘little presents’ hidden around the house this tearaway can be found scavenging under pub tables for runaway pork scratchings or ankles to nibble. No comment on its owner.
To celebrate our love for each and every four-legged friend, we’ve launched two hand-stitched needlepoint mallard and pheasant leather-backed dog collars. Fits Labrador or Spaniel, obviously.
Oh, you can also be matching with
the belt if you wish.
A Treat for the owner
From Labrador boxers to Dachshund pj’s, we have some pawfectly
good presents for the dog lovers in your life.