Its been in your diary for weeks. Your colleagues are fully aware of when and where you’re going and quite frankly they can’t wait to see the back of you. It’s holiday time! There are many important decisions you must take before departing for sunnier shores but none more so than selecting your swimwear. To prevent a chronic case of holiday humiliation, here’s my brief guide to summer swimwear.
MR BEAUFORT’S GUIDE TO SUMMER SWIMWEAR
GET THE LENGTH RIGHT
Finding the perfect length of swim short is a very important summer decision. Do not venture toward the tight and short trunk adorned by Daniel Craig but also don’t regress into the realms of the board short, unless you truly are an Australian surfer from the noughties. Always have this statement in mind when selecting your swimwear: “would I wear this pair in public if they were normal shorts?” If the answer is no, it’s back to the drawing board!
PICK YOUR PATTERN WISELY
In my eyes, everyone should envisage a sartorial formula when picking swimming trunks. Think of the speed, distance, time equation but instead imagine the variables are colour, length and pattern. Each component is equally important! Avoid any offensive or childish patterns and instead opt for summer themed styles that could transport the sunshine to wherever you are.
WHEN YOU’RE BRITISH, COLOUR IS KEY
It’s something that we’ve all come to accept – we’re not a nation that naturally tans. We must therefore choose a trunk colour that complements our fair skin tone. If you don’t tan easily then stick to more subtle, muted tones (even if you’ve been lathering on the factor 50!). If you’re at the other end of this scale then the swimwear world is your oyster, as long as it doesn’t border on glow in the dark.
There are only two occasions speedos are legally allowed in a public place – if you’re an Olympic athlete (hopefully diving) or if your job is to save lives. A mid-length, well-tailored short is not only smarter but also more forgiving – something our European counterparts are still yet to grasp. Remember, holiday pictures these days live forever and some things should really be left to the imagination. Ironic ‘budgie smugglers’ are also not condoned – even if the rest of the First XV insist on wearing them.
BEACH TO BAR: WHEN TO WEAR THEM
Swim shorts are not exclusively designed for pool or beach use only, it’s key to pick a pair that you can easily throw a linen shirt over and wear to lunch. Once you’ve got the killer trunk, finish off the look by swapping your poolside sliders with a pair of premium espadrilles or leather sandals. It’s imperative that certain styles should stay pool or beach side – especially if they’re suspicious nylon numbers.